What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 09:09
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I have the power to talk to aliens through using telepathy. Why do people think I'm crazy?
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Why did my bipolar girlfriend split up with me?
Im dying but, im not bitter.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Comes on , in middle age.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
What is the dirtiest city in India?
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Why is digital marketing important?
It was going to be , some day.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
What did i know ?
How do scammers communicate? Do they have a specific language or slang?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I said to her
I was 9 years of age.
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But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
She wouldn,t have been !
She loved him until the end.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
When sharing a wife, is it best with your buddy or a stranger?
She married twice! .
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Is it possible for doctors to diagnose prostate cancer just by looking at a patient?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I was seconnd youngest,
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
How do you cope when your mother doesn't love you?
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
One cannot live in the past .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
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And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Why did Obito, a supposed "bad person," do good things for Kakashi?
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
She was in good health!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I have no regrets .
Would this be the day?
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I waited trembling.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Was to survive, this bastard.
He resisted the act ,that day.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I was very sick at this time too.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I think the readers, may guess!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I could never make a relationship work though!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Who then, do I blame.?
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I will be 64.
I was scared of men, in general
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
The only rule us 5 kids had .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
He knew the spot.
Im still living with it.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
So, i spoilt her more .
I write beautiful poetry .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
This is soul school!.
Ive learnt so much.
As i do to all so called friends.?
We were not on the streets..
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
But it wasn’t much.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I don,t even have a pension.
So whats the point in blame.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
When she asked me how she looked .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Especially a lifetime of it.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
But ive been too sick for many years..
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I couldn’t, believe it.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
My life is so biszare .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
But, we were locked up after school.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
He was dying to do it , i knew.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
(And it was in our own minds.)
They are buried together, in the same grave..
My family never makes their pension either.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
All the time i was locked up.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
She found it foreign!.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
And i lived it daily.
We all went to grammer schools
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Put me off passion for life!!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I never cut or harmed myself..
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!